Tuesday, January 2, 2007

The Chronicles

HERE'S THE EXCLUSIVE GLIMPSE!!! This excerpt will be a story of perhaps novella length. These chronicles began frothing in my head Christmas night and so I decided to write them down. I'm trying my first ever outline on this one and it's turning out great. Please feel free to comment too. If you like you may email me, and if I trust you, for the rest of part 1. Here's an "exclusive" glimpse of what I'm talking about.


What realm is this? Beyond human grasps, a world upon worlds, stitched within the very fabrics of life? What blasted magic could conjure such and abomination of time and space? What creature so vile, so grotesque, could account for this realm, this other world, without a grimace or a bout of nausea?
Could there be a such a monster?
Answer: Yes. Yes, there is.
I am that creature. I am that monster. Although, I was human once, a long, long, time ago. I was so before even Christ was born on that fabled night. But humanity change for me when I discovered a different world other than my own. One that changed me forever and sent me to damnation.
I have no logical complaints, though. This is a life, if one wanted to call it that, I thrive on. It has taught me more than my human world ever had. And it is here where I write this, my dark world. Here is where I write my fall from humanity and my rise into the realm of darkness.
May name is Zim, short for Ziminious. This, my ill fated friends, is my story.

(1007 B.C.) Part 1:

The moon shown nothing of the horrors that slipped and slithered, scurried and lumbered, stalked and prowled the night. The silver glow thrown down could not reveal such, for those horrors even moonlight can not touch.
I stood there, staring up at this luminous coin in the bruised sky of night, my heart thrumming with anticipation. A terrified giddiness I could not control had swept over me and then ate me alive.
The stones at my filthy bare feet, those which vibrated and glittered in the light of the waxing moon. The stones the creature left on my door step without word or warning six days ago; the very same creature now standing before me, grinning its razor grin at me as I fought with a decision that would likely either save my soul or damn it in a single stroke.

"What say you Ziminious. Do you choose the stones, or your pretty family?" The abomination asked, its voice
cold, evil.

My eyes lowered to the hideous thing hunched before me. A wretched murderer of children and a bringer of death and disease. I had to choose.....

Most words here have been altered from the original version...but I think it worked out all right...thank you...


Christina Rundle said...

Impressive. Good luck. First person POV is really big, or maybe that's just in certain genres. I like that it is in first person for this story.

It's funny you mention outlines when I just wrote a blog on outlines. I really need to do them again.

Stewart Sternberg said...

Some nice description. Vibrant. I think it's hard to give feedback without reading more. Sometimes though I find that people have a problem not just with endings but with beginnings. So let me ask the question: Why the introduction? Why not just start out with the narrative. Does the introduction take away in some way?

Lucas Pederson said...

Thanks Christina for taking the time to check this excerpt out.
And Stewart, once again thanks for you input. I wrote the introduction, because it's sort of a prelude to what will befall our hero Zim. Perhaps I didn't announce this clear enough in the paragraph, but the intorduction is there because Zim is writing the story of how he wound up what he became. I hoped this helped, and if you want to read the rest of part 1, Stewart, all you gotta do is ask. Or email me. Until next time...

Susan Miller said...

Oh that choice...good or evil? The moment when the path is chosen and the remainder of time is played upon that path.

As a reader my interest is peaked. I want to know more about this character and do like the first person POV. I am intrigued by his thoughts.

I already have sympathy for someone who realizes the mistakes.

Just my thoughts. I appreciate the chance to see the outline.